We saw Drive Angry this weekend. Now, I hate — “FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE” hate – movies in 3D. Granted, I’ve only seen two, but they were both The Suck. Not only does the 3D give me a headache, it seems so blatant that movie felt like I should be entertained by the absolute and total coolness of the 3D in and of itself that and that I there was no need to worry my pretty little head about anything else, like, you know, story or script, and… I wasn’t.
(Full disclosure: my entire sample size for my “Do I like 3D or not” was Avatar and The Green Hornet (wait. Lantern. Hornet? Seriously, how these are two separate movies I will never understand. The green one with Seth Rogan, that’s the one I saw.) (And it sucked.) (Seriously, the movie’s main tension point revolved around getting a thumb drive to a specific computer to upload something. Remember that South Park episode that was a spoof on 24, where every time the gov agents were like “We need to re-route those satellites!” and the kids were all “No worries man, we’ve got that Google app up and running already.”? That episode aired FOUR YEARS AGO, and you’re telling me the people on the set of The Green Hornet/Lantern/Hornet couldn’t figure out that Thumb Drive hijinks might be a touch out of date? No? Really? Wait, I’ll distract myself with some 3D cars shooting at the audience. That’ll help)
ANYWAY – the point: it has been my experience that 3-D movies are totally boring and give me a headache to watch. Which explains why neither my brother nor my husband told me that Drive Angry was a 3D flick, and, frankly, that’s fair, cause that movie is kind of a hard sell anyway, without bringing in a genre that I have exactly zero desire to give even a little bit of the benefit of the doubt. I could see it in their faces, too, when I bought the tickets and was like “Wait, why did I just pay $10 for a Sunday afternoon movie omg omg omg WHY are you handing me 3D glasses nooooooooooooooo”- – they were both like “Yeah. It’s way too late for you to change your mind about this, so the we’d appreciate the most minimal amount of bitching you can limit yourself to”
But you know what? DRIVE ANGRY IS AWESOME.
Yes, of course: It’s Nic Cage, with bad hair, doing his…Nic Cage halting creepy talking Nic Cage thing. You’ve got a gun called the God Killer. You’ve got shoot outs involving naked chicks still having sex with one of the shooters (that was, actually, kind of cool. In a very distasteful way.) It’s ridiculous on so many levels that I don’t even know where to start, but the most amazing thing is the fact that the 3Dness of it actually made it better. In many parts, using 3D was a really valid and, God help me, artful way of telling the story. Don’t get me wrong – this movie is a hot mess (and I think I actually mean that as a compliment), but not because it’s in 3D.
So anyway, I’ve made my piece with 3D – clearly my issues were more with – gasp – the actual movie than the annoying technology behind it.